The Seeker Chicks are Super Excited to welcome a new columnist to the team! Please say hi to Shannon Ferguson, the Love Hawk, our new relationship advice gal.
Standards. We all like to think we have high ones. We like to believe we are strong women with good heads on our shoulders who have standards much taller than our sparkly stilettos. Maybe you’re an unwavering woman who cannot be shook, but it’s more than likely your standards are as shaky as your ankles after a bottle of wine, three beers, and five tequila shots.
In general, most of us have pretty decent standards when it comes to men. You know what you want, and what you look for. You know how you want to be treated and how you want to feel. Maybe not everyone wants the fairy tale but it’s safe to say we all want a man who respects us and treats us with the kindness we deserve.
So, why is it that you’re never attracted to the guys who DO treat you nicely and give you the respect you need? I bet, right now, you can count on both hands the number of men you have turned down or broke up with who were nothing but kind to you. Men who would have held the world in one hand for you while holding the door open with the other. These guys meet your standards in every way but you just don’t feel the “spark” so you’re forced to end it or pretend it, and neither makes you feel good.
These are the guys who see the real you. Since you’re not pretending or putting on an act because you’re not that attracted to them, you don’t hide your standards. You don’t feel intimidated so you don’t back down. Maybe you’re even a little mean to them or you find it super easy to joke around together. These are the guys who see the brilliant standards radiating from you and know that they must be met. They see the real you and know that you’re a true catch.
There’s an odd thing that happens to most women when they meet a guy they really like. She’ll start acting the way she thinks he wants her to act. She’ll shelf her true personality and break out the “tricks” she has read about all over the internet and in books since she was 13. Do this, do that, touch his arm softly, throw your head back and giggle, play with your hair, purse your lips, agree with what he says. NO! Don’t do it! The minute you start trying to make this guy like you is the minute you throw a huge sign on your forehead that says “NO STANDARDS”. Guys aren’t stupid. They know what they can get away with and when you show him that sign on your forehead, how do you expect him to respect you?
Point blank. If you ACT like you have no standards, he’s going to treat you like you have no standards. Guys don’t want a girl who is readily available and who is genuinely fake. Maybe he’ll keep you around cause the sex is good, but from the beginning you have ultimately told him he can disrespect you all he wants and that’s fine by you.
So, next time you find yourself really falling for a super sexy, awesome guy don’t treat him like he’s made of gold. Treat him the way you treat the people closest to you. Remember that he too probably has a goofy or nerdy side. So don’t pretend you truly want to see the new Bruce Willis movie, if it’s Harry Potter that really gets you going. When you start being yourself and treating him the way you treat the “other” guys, he too will see your standards and he’ll know you’re not just screwing around.
It’s not hard to get any guy you want. Confidence is hotter than big boobs and having standards is sexier than a million dollar smile. How else do you think an otherwise mediocre girl can end up with the hottest guy? It’s because she’s not mediocre at all. She has standards and that makes her sexy as hell. She knows she’s worth it and you should know you’re worth it too.
Keep your standards to the sky,
The Love Hawk
Shannon loves love. She has a passion for people and understanding the little things that make everyone unique and similar, all at the same time. She has degrees in Communication Studies, Psychology, and Broadcast Journalism but it’s the school of life that taught Shannon most of what she knows about love and relationships.