It’s safe to say that most of us have watched a good friend fall for a complete asshole. It’s an awful situation really, because you constantly feel like you’re stuck between a rock and hard place; stuck between your morals and trying to be a supportive friend. You start out truly caring about your friend’s situation; listening to her cry when he bails on her again, pouring her a tall drink after another tall fight, telling her she deserves to be treated better, but somewhere along the line you get fed up and you just want to punch your friend back into reality and tell her to break up with the moron.
Unfortunately, punching friends is never good for anyone. The fact that she’s staying with him may seem overwhelming. You may get really angry with her for not taking your advice and leaving him that instant, but the truth of the matter is that she really needs you right now. It’s more than likely she knows she’s being stupid. She knows he’s not good for her and that she deserves better.
She misses how it was between them at the beginning, and whenever he shows her the slightest ounce of respect she gets her hopes up and thinks that things may start improving. She wants to BELIEVE he will get better. She wants to BELIEVE that he loves her (even though she knows in her heart he never will). She wants to be the girl he can’t live without. And even if you don’t believe any of that bullshit, you need to be her shoulder when she realizes not only can he live without her but he wants to live without her.
She needs you now more than ever. She’s a ball of emotions, entangled in a mess too big for her to clean up by herself. She’s probably lying to everyone she knows, defending his “honour”, and sneaking around but don’t hate her for it. She knows she’s all screwed up and in over her head but she doesn’t need to be scolded for it. The fact that she knows is enough. Be there for her and let her know that even though you think it’s a bad idea for them to stay together, you’ll be there by her side whenever she needs you.
This is not about you. It’s not about YOUR morals or YOUR integrity. Since you’re seeing it up close and personal, it may be easy to get caught up in it but you need to remember that this is her life. She’s learning valuable life lessons and becoming a better person through this all. Her tears are not making her weaker, they are making her stronger and you need to have faith that one day, she’ll be able to walk away.
Until then, keep pouring her drinks, keep your shoulder cozy, and keep your angry opinions to yourself. Be her support system and her confidante because that’s all she needs right now. On a side note: if the asshole is physically abusing her, forget all that I just said and get a third party involved right away. If the circumstance is less harsh and he’s not not violent just vile, well you just gotta truck through this with her and hold her hand. She needs you a lot more than you need to judge her. Trust me, I’ve been the girl who dated Lucifer and it’s the friends who stuck by me that hold a special place in my heart now. Be that kind of friend.
The Love Hawk
Shannon loves love. She has a passion for people and understanding the little things that make everyone unique and similar, all at the same time. She has degrees in Communication Studies, Psychology, and Broadcast Journalism but it’s the school of life that taught Shannon most of what she knows about love and relationships.