Playgoers, I bid you welcome. The theater is a temple and we are here to worship the gods of comedy and tragedy—and today I am pleased to announce a comedy!

Yes, No Sex Please, We’re British is certainly nothing short of comedy—British farce to be exact! No Sex Please, We’re British is a British comedic play written by Alistair Foot and Anthony Marriott, first staged in London’s West End in 1971.

The farce surrounds an assistant bank manager, Peter Hunter, who lives above his bank with his new bride Frances. When Frances innocently sends a mail order off for some Scandinavian glassware, what comes back is Scandinavian pornography. The two, along with the bank’s frantic chief cashier Brian Runnicles, must decide what to do with the veritable floods of pornography, photographs, books, films and eventually girls that threaten to engulf this happy couple. The matter is considerably complicated by the presence of Eleanor (Peter’s mother), Mr. Bromhead (his boss), Mr. Needham (a visiting bank inspector), and Vernon Paul (a police superintendent).

When I first auditioned for this play, I was auditioning for the role of Brian Runnicles—I was a sweaty mess! There I was, sitting amongst a group of seasoned actors of the Seaway Valley Theater Company, attempting to show my skills off. I had practiced my English accent based of scenes from the movie adaptation and was ready to nail it. One problem. The director—the brilliant David Barnes hails from across the pond—who would I fool? Nevertheless, I gave it my all and three days later I was given the role. Evidently, my accent was favored. David would soon tell me that he veers away from having his actors perform with an English accent due to their inability to hold the accent for a long period of time—compliment taken (without being given one verbally).

For a while I was nervous about working with the cast. I was an outsider. But it wasn’t long before a bond was established.

I must say that this stellar group of actors are just that—stellar. You would have not guessed that these performers do this for fun let alone for free. They give it their all! Mike Petrynka, Guy Quesnelle, Krystal Taillon, Andy Davidson and of course the lovely Marion Barnes, are the best at what they do and deliver an amazing performance—along with yours truly—for No Sex Please, We’re British!

Details were not overlooked either when prepping the set and props. It truly looks like the real deal. Each time I walk on the stage the feeling is surreal—being a part of something like this is quite an experience. Susan Kingston did such an amazing job in producing the props and I must mention Alicja Francis—without her, I would walk on stage without my proper grillers trout… touters grille… err… grouter’s trowel! She does her best to keep me in line so that I never walk on stage without a key prop.

If you’re suffering from Spring boredom, do yourself a favor and pleasure yourself to an evening of theater—you won’t be let down.

Show dates are May 17, 18, 23, 24 & 25 at 7:30 pm. Matinees: May 19 & 25 at 1:30 pm. Tickets are available for purchase at Cornwall Square Administration Office
1 Water Street, Cornwall, ON
613-938-2118
Cash and cheque ONLY
or 
Purchase tickets at the show (subject to availability).