The sweeter truth of it all.
I was born and raised in Montreal. My move to Cornwall was a fluke. A beautiful fluke. Being an outsider, I truly can appreciate the beauty of this area. It kills me when I see people pointing out all the negative stuff happening in this city. It’s the main reason Mai-Liis and I started this paper; to put a positive spin on news. We know that in order to move forward, the psyche of the community has to change and we’re doing just that. We’re saving Cornwall from negativity, one newspaper at a time.
Picking up on the lead from Lee Theodore, who published a beautifully crafted response to this list on facebook, here is my response to 25 things Cornwall people know too well. If you haven’t read it, you can find it here:
- Every wannabe Slim Shady has a music video.
And that’s a negative thing? This town is flourishing, overflowing with talent. The internet has made it easy and accessible for people to produce, record, shoot and publish their own music videos. I find it rather admirable that so many are willing to subject themselves to criticism from ignorant people to try and achieve their dreams. That’s character!
- The ski hill is made from industrial waste.
Yet every winter, it’s somewhere our youth can gather and do something productive rather than hang out in a dark alley and do drugs. The idea is innovative, original and creative. Talk about turning trash into a gold mine!
- “Springtime in Cornwall” is it’s own aroma.
Really? All I can smell is the scent of lilacs and tulips. You can also pick up the pleasant odor of fresh grass and water in the air. Must be coming from your basement.
- The garbage crows in Cornwall are so revered, every basic white girl has them tattooed on.
I’m white. I don’t have them. I have white friends. They dont’ have them. And don’t tell me it’s because I’m too old. I have kids who are young adults. They have friends. None of them have this. Never seen it. Not even once. Must not be THAT common.
- The Bar Scene blows.
Montreal, Toronto, New York, San Francisco… You can find blow jobs anywhere really. Maybe you should try Shnitzels, Jet Set Pub, or Truffles if the others are not to your liking.
- If you don’t preach about Jesus at the 2nd Street Tim Horton’s, you’re a sinner.
At least, you are not persecuted and killed for your religion, sexual orientation, skin colour or gender. In Canada, we have freedom of speech. And yes, that includes the right to preach in public places. Or write shitty lists of 25 negative items about a city. Would you rather we shut you up?
- Forget garden gnomes, carts are the lawn ornament of choice.
So what? Garden gnomes are so 1960’s anyway.
- For your health’s sake, the Cornwall Square really wants you to take the stairs.
This is genius when you think about it. What better way to make sure every store in your mall gets the attention it deserves than by blocking off the escalator. Everybody has to go around the mall to get out, therefore, businesses stand a chance of surviving. Plus, it forces us to exercise a wee bit more.
- It hurt your soul a bit when the bridge was torn down.
Naw. It really didn’t. And I used it A LOT! Don’t miss it one bit. Love the new smooth and short bridge.
- Guns and drugs were pedaled through everyone’s favorite shawarma restaurant, which coincidentally is right across from the police station.
This is not unique to Cornwall. To this day, the Italian Mob has been doing the same with Italian restaurants. Didn’t you watch “The Sopranos”?
- “Kay, so you’re telling me I have to hit this blinker thingy when I want to turn or merge lanes?”
Huh? Having a difficult time finding bad things to say? That’s not even a thing!
- Want to join a cult? Join the gym.
Jealous much? I don’t visit any of these establishments but know people who have had great success with it. As far as I know, Paleo and Gluten-free is a global thing, not a Cornwall thing. You should really get out more!
- Honda Civics. Everywhere.
Civics are like Cornwallites. Tough, durable and efficient.
- That being said, you probably own a “race car”.
- The Jehovah’s Witnesses bombard the city each year.
That, my dear, brings thousands of dollar in our community. I find they’re rather friendly and they’re not preaching at the Second Street Tim Hortons or telling you you’re a sinner, so that’s a plus, right?
- Everyone has a story about Ryan Gosling. And has dated him, apparently.
Well, can you blame them? I would be bragging too!
- The Vu had to prohibit sweatpants and dirty wifebeaters.
Yeah, yeah. And McDonalds has a “No Shirt, No Service” policy.
- People are always out and about in pajamas.
“Did Cornwall have the world’s largest slumber party, and I was just not invited? Rude. “
I wouldn’t want to invite you either… You’re such a Debbie Downer!
- “He’s cute.” “So are his 6 kids.”
Teenaged pregnancies are not joking matter. Shame on you. If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.
- Ribfest is more exciting than the Canada Day celebrations.
You’re comparing apples and oranges. Have you ever thought of volunteering and giving life to all your amazing ideas instead of whinning?
- Your neighbor is most likely a dealer.
My neighbours are Muslim, thank you very much. Does that scare you? If so, please refer to item #6.
- You know people who were destroyed when the Frontiere burned down.
No. Actually, I dont. Seems to me you’re doing a lot of projecting over there.
- “It’s POO-TIN, not POO-TEEN!”
Meh. Potayto, potahto. Tomayto, tomahto!
- We loved Taco Bell, but it didn’t love us back.
Ok, ok. This one, I have to concede.
- The only decent schools are Catholic.
According to who? Have you looked at the Fraser Institute Reports lately? Because St.Anne, Eastfront and Rose des vents top the list…