6 questions to ask your best friend

Most of us have a best friend that knows everything about us but we know nothing about them. They tend to leave an air of mystery, and sometimes it may be because they’re listeners not talkers. Other times it may be because they think what they’re saying is unimportant and don’t want to burden you with their personnel issues. Bad friendships in the past might still linger with them as well preventing them from forming a close bond with you. They might have had friends that dismissed their ideas and made them feel like they don’t matter. Most of the time, it may just be that your friend isn’t used to being asked about their thoughts or experiences. If this is the case, it may be best to ask small things to let them get used to sharing and eventually bonding. It’s also important to know that before doing this you need to make sure your friend is okay with you wanting to learn more about them. Some people have things that they’re not ready to share with you or anyone and it’s not your place to force them. With all this said, let’s begin! 1.What was your first impression of me? Usually starting with these types of questions lead to a hilarious conversation about the vibes we give off. You and your friend may end up giggling in your seats at the responses. “ I thought my friend was too prideful since she often walked away without saying hello and always kept her head up high as if to tell us we were all inferior to her. So you can imagine my surprise when a series of bad events brought us together. Since then her pride has lessened and we’ve been as thick as thieves. The universe has a funny way of working.” -Anonymous 2. What is your coping mechanism? Knowing your friend’s coping mechanism is a huge step in getting to know them. It helps you understand the steps they take in life. Most of the time your friend is dealing with family issues,struggling with body confidence, struggling to talk to others and over thinking. Sometimes your friend deals with these feelings using violence, humor, relying on the validation of others, and gossiping to make themselves feel better. With that in mind you can advise them on other coping methods you think are healthier. You can start with journalling. I’ve gotten a lot of feedback from others expressing that journaling has really helped them get rid of bottled up emotions. By writing in a journal they can go back and review what was bothering you and take time to reflect on it and think of creative solutions to deal with the problems instead. 3. What is your idea of a supportive friend? In my personal opinion a lot of people may not be aware that their friend lacks a support system. You may not realize it but the things you say have a major impact on how your friends feel about you. If you find yourself saying things like “you’re being too dramatic” or “I’m sorry you feel that way.” You need to stop, there’s no other way I can put it. You may know that you’re hurting them, so that’s why you should ask. Asking and showing concern is the only way you’ll improve and be someone better. 4. What’s Your Life’s goal? I believe someone’s past and values shape one’s goal. Some value money while others value happiness, find out which category your friend falls into. Share your own goals as well, that way you can push each other to be better and stronger. You can teach each other the things you know to help one and other achieve your goals. That is what friends are supposed to do, build each other up, not tearing each other down. 5. What qualities endeared you to me? These questions will help you understand yourself as well as your best friend. Because often, when people look for a friend, they look at the positive aspects of the person. Knowing that your friend might think you are funny, kind, understanding might help boost your confidence and encourage you to be a better person. Having your friend disclose these feelings is a great step to create a trusting bond between the both of you. Most of the time, you may not realize that the kind thing we do out of impulse might impact someone else’s life in ways we can’t imagine. Someone once disclosed to me that she became friends with her best friend because of how she stood up for her against bullies. And they have been friends ever since. 6. What’s a part of yourself you’re scared of people knowing about? I know that you think asking this can be a bit personal but having these discussions allows you to understand the parts of your friend you never see. If you feel comfortable after they finish sharing, you also tell them about the hidden parts of yourself, that way the both of you learn to love and accept each other. I used to say to my close friends that one of the best ways you can accept your own emotions is if you share them with someone else. I hope these questions will be of great help to you guys and help you to connect with your friend. From these questions I wish for you to laugh, be vulnerable and earn a friend for life. I hope you read more of my write ups. Illustration by Kossy