PEER PRESSURE
From birth, children are taught the basics, respect your parents, don’t drink, don’t steal or lie or do drugs. I’m not saying these rules apply for every child but this is the foundation set out for most families. After parents set up these ground rules they are often shocked when they find their kids drinking or doing drugs contrary to what they were taught. That’s because some parents forget a major factor and that is peer pressure. The teenage years of your child’s life is a time when validation among their peers is everything. Here are ways you can monitor this peer pressure and help your child strive and be less pressured by what their peers are doing.
WANTING SOMETHING THEY HAVEN’T SHOWN INTEREST IN.
When your child suddenly becomes interested in things they have not been previously interested in, the best thing you should do is to question them about it. I’m not saying that them being interested in new things is bad but you want to make sure it’s for the right reasons and that they’re not doing it to fit in. It’s just precaution so they don’t continuously want validation to the point where it begins to harm their own well being.
Most teens don’t ever want to admit this. If they deny it, please read ahead to find some more pointers that could suggest that they are being influenced negatively. ( I’m not saying teens can’t be interested in new things, I’m only saying teens can be easily influenced into doing something they might not actually like but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t support their newfound interest).
DOING POORLY ACADEMICALLY
If you begin to see a decline in your child’s education this could very well be because of bad influences like bad friends. In our time most people don’t value education so that can rub off on your child. Maybe the D- they got on a test is no longer a terrible thing for them but rather just another grade. But more commonly it’s usually because the people around them don’t have good habits themselves and begin to rub off on your own child. That’s why you should try to make an effort to meet the other people in your child’s life. Try motivating your child into talking about their friends both the good and the bad stuff. Make sure you don’t raise your voice when you don’t agree with whatever they say. Speak to them in a calm and loving manner. Try getting your child to open up by treating them to bonding activities such as cooking, playing and going on walks. Try discussing with your child about having these activities and setting up dates for them. Since at this age most teens like to be in control of some things in their lives allow them to pick the date. But don’t just limit yourself to the examples that I am giving, you are the parent and you know what your child likes so do those activities with them that matches their interest.
These things don’t have to be planned because some kids start feeling like their favorite activities have become a chore. So try and approach them when they’re doing something they like. If your child is drawing, grab a piece of paper and draw with them and try discussing what you’re drawing. focus a little on yourself for a while (not too much though) and your child may want to chip in at some point. Try asking them questions on the activity. For example,
Wow! When did you learn how to draw like that?!
Is a good one because kids love praise and the validation that they’re doing something good. Once you’ve begun to talk to you, then pitch in the questions you want to ask, just be subtle about it. You tell them something like its second hand information like
“ I heard that on the news there have been a lots of teens vaping.”
As you have been talking they will feel more comfortable talking about it. This might be hard if you haven’t encouraged open conversations from an early age.
When talking about this try not showing disgust or a negative emotion instead try sympathy and name the reasons that thing is bad.
Example
“It’s a shame most people are unaware of the health problems it causes, can you imagine losing your child or friend to that. It’s horrible really.
Your guidance then becomes subconsciously present in their brain when someone brings up the topic again since kids tend to mirror their parents.
LET YOUR CHILD KNOW THEY AREN’T ALONE
One of the best things you can do to prevent your child from seeking unnecessary validation from others is telling them that pleasing everyone is not everything and can lead you down the wrong paths. Let them know that you are always there to provide emotional support for them, allow them to communicate with friends that have good values and don’t make them feel as if they need to do certain things to fit in. Teach them the difference between positive peer pressure and negative peer pressure.
TEACHING THEM DECISION MAKING SKILLS
Decision making is something you absolutely need to teach your child. This skill is something even some adults have still not mastered so the earlier they know this the better. Let them know every action they make has a consequence whether it comes tomorrow or 20 years later that consequence will happen. Show them they aren’t going to get very far if they make their friends’ thoughts their own. The crazy things that they are doing today to fit in will bite them in the butt later. Because while the classmates that never valued fitting in are successful they’ll be stuck not knowing what to do. They may also soon realize that the people wanting them to join in on terrible things don’t value or care about them, just the thrill of watching them do stupid things. People might laugh at the mean things they’re doing for fun but people like teachers watch and a few years later it will be their decision that matters not their friends.
TEACH THEM TO SAY NO
Let your child know their decision is their own and no one can change it. No one should decide for them what they should feel comfortable doing, wearing or saying.
You can role-play situations in which they need to say no, this helps them feel reassured and confident. They begin to know their body and voice is their own, not for anyone else. You should also try and role-play situations where you teach them responses to unfavorable invitation to ideas from peers.
Thank you for reading this. I appreciate any support given. I hope you continue to read more of my work.
