So, you’ve been dating someone for a little while now, maybe three months, maybe six, maybe even a year and while things were great at first you’ve started to notice it’s just not the same anymore. The butterflies are gone and the cute things that you used to find endearing are now nothing more than annoying habits. You keep chalking it up to the fact that the infatuation is dwindling because it’s becoming m
ore serious. You continue to convince yourself that the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever but in your heart you know that really, maybe it’s just not right.
You’re not alone. So many people find themselves in these situations. Situations where they have put in time and effort; they have opened themselves up to someone and they really don’t want to turn their back on something now, even though it’s nothing near the best they’ve ever had (or will have). People become comfortable. They hate being alone so they become comfortable with someone they think might be right for them at first, and at first it really does seem right. The problem is as the weeks and months dwindle on it becomes clearer and clearer that this is not the person for them. Life keeps moving, plans keep happening, and soon enough they’re in so deep that there’s no way they could abruptly put an end to it. They become stuck.
Maybe you can relate to this directly or perhaps you’re seeing a good friend or loved one go through something similar. It’s a rough spot to be in because the relationship has seemingly become a never-ending chess game with the players involved making skillful moves to creating a constant check mate that allows neither party to move. The truth is, if you’re not happy in your relationship your partner probably isn’t either but no one wants to admit it so instead you both feign interest and watch the days pass–each of you unhappy with the life you keep choosing.
The key is to understand what you’re so scared of. Why haven’t you ended it yet, why haven’t you made a move: Are you scared to be alone? Are you scared to hurt the other person? Are you scared that maybe it’s really not as bad as it seems and that you’d be leaving something that could get better in time? I’m sure these questions run through your head a lot. At this point your thoughts could be sponsored by Nike because they constantly run full marathons in your mind all day long. These are legitimate questions though and since you’re a legitimate person (I hope) it only makes sense that you would have such worries.
Once you figure out what’s holding you back from moving on and letting this person go you need to decide your game plan. Will you stay and fight or is it finally time to say good-bye? No one else except you can determine your decision and it’s important to fully understand and comprehend the consequences of your choice. If it’s a newer relationship and you’re already feeling this way then maybe it’s best to cut all ties before you get in any deeper? If you’ve been together longer and there are other people involved (families, children) it’s important to make sure the way you’re feeling about the relationship isn’t stress induced and be sure that you’re not just looking for an excuse and a way out to alleviate you’re grown-up responsibilities.
At the end of the day, love is always trivial at some point. Love comes in many forms and feels different for everyone. The love you may have with one person could be completely different with another but it doesn’t mean it’s not love just the same. The same goes for comfort, which many people confuse with love too much of the time. Finding someone whose company you enjoy and who helps you in your quest of not becoming an Old Maid might not be love but if it works for you then who is anyone to tell you it’s wrong? Just don’t remain comfortable for the sake of it if every day or every few days you keep questioning yourself and why you stay. Trust your heart, trust your gut, and trust your head because you’re doing yourself no favours if you continue to wake up every morning in a constant stalemate, with nothing holding you back but no moves to make.
Shannon Ferguson is a writer who recently returned to her roots in Cornwall. With degrees in Communications, Psychology, and Broadcast Journalism, Shannon created her successful blog, The Love Hawk, and is a contributing writer for many websites including The Huffington Post and Elite Daily. View her blog at www.thelovehawk.com, like her page on Facebook and follow her on Twitter @TheLoveHawk and be sure to listen to her online radio show “The Love Hawk” every Tuesday at 6pm at www.dunet.ca