Man Up, Pops

If you conceive a child, be there to raise it. For a variety of reasons, men/fathers are not involved with their children. Sometimes in a case of divorce, they are denied custody, sometimes they share custody and on rare occasions they are granted custody.

There are numerous studies indicating the importance of a male presence in the home, the easy ones are the security, feeling safe, school success, structure, and discipline (yes, I know both sexes can do this, but if you had a dad present you understand what I am saying.) Women I encourage you to make sure that there is a male presence in your boys lives, be it an uncle, a Big Brother or a trusted friend!

I used to work with children and teens, and I remember a child telling me how he would wait outside for his dad to picking him up and not even go to the bathroom for fear of missing him, and his dad was a no show. In a book a read many years ago «Iron John » by Robert Bly, It was brought to my attention how in the past you learned to be a man by being with men. These men were farmers, ranchers, coopers, blacksmith,s barbers etc. The boy would accompany his father with the work to be done thus exposing him to men behavior, socializing and work ethic Today, the father goes off to work, the child doesn’t even know what his father does for a living in many cases. Sometimes a father can be present in your home and absent from your life. For example, the father who travels the world on business and brings back the phone or shoes the child wanted, but doesn’t have time to throw a ball. Parents often justify their work with “but I am doing this for you”. In reality the child was happier in the smaller home or the older car when he actually could have some of your time!

I remember talking to a well known member of the community who had a business and he said to me “if I had to start over, I would attend every play, every parent teacher interview, every sports activity that my boys were involved in instead of telling them I had to work. In the end, I missed their childhood for what? maybe twelve hundred dollars?”. There is a lot to learn from this lesson.

The absent father or the absence of a father plays a major role in your child’s outcome, his behavior, his mood, his success in school, and his success in life Here are some statistics and I encourage you look up more. Men are important in your boy’s life, check out why.

The Institute for the Study of Civil Society ( Civitas ) U.K. Stunning statistics on the problems of fatherless homes and Experiments in Living: The Fatherless Family – Rebecca ONeil – CIVITAS 2002 tells us that

Children who grew up fatherless are:

• Eight times more likely to go to prison.
• Five times times more likely to commit suicide.
• 20 times times more likely to have behavioural problems.
• 20 times times more likely to become rapists.
• 32 times times more likely to become runaways.
• 10 times times more likely to abuse chemical substances.
• Nine times times more likely to drop out of high school.
• One-tenth as likely to get A’s in school.

Father-deprivation is a more reliable predictor of criminal activity than race, environment or poverty.

Father-deprived children are:

• 72% of all teenage murderers.
• 60% of rapists.
• 70% of kids incarcerated.
• twice as likely to quit school.
• 11 times more likely to be violent.
• 3 of 4 teen suicides.
• 80% of the adolescents in psychiatric hospitals.
• 90% of runaways

Sources: National Fatherhood Initiative (U.S.A.), US Bureau of Census (U.S.A.), FBI (U.S.A.)

So parents know your roles and the importance and influence you contribute to your child success.