The emotional raping of men
I along with my co-facilitator have been running a men’s support group for over 5 years now. We’ve seen a lot of broken men, good guys who have tried hard, but have been beat down emotionally, financially and sometimes physically.
In this fictional scenario—based on real-life accounts— we exemplify how it is possible to emotionally rape a man.
Essentially we introduce the main character. I will call him Shamus (get it ?). Shamus gets involved with a baggage-loaded woman,–you’ve met the kind–she has trust issues, control issues, dependency issues (But of course is not to blame. Friggin men!) However, at first glance, she appears nice, kind, loving, sexy and well-rounded.
As they date and discover one another, things get tested. Shamus must start reporting his whereabouts to her, (to reassure her?). She keeps track of where he is, with whom, for how long, etc.
Though things are sometimes trying, (he does the right thing?) and marries Lucky (her fictional name).
Lucky has children from a previous relationship and demands that Shamus, if they are to be a family, man up and become a dad to her children.
They move into the ancestral home Shamus inherited from his parents. He puts in the hours to maintain the home and household. Because (in this case) he makes more money than she does, she again tells him to man up and pay more of the bills. So he pays more of the mortgage, more of the heat, electricity, internet ect. She reminds him that real men pay the bills, are nice and grateful because she, Lucky, works hard too.
Now that he works a lot more, she complains that he is neglecting the family. The pressure piles up on poor Shamus’ shoulders. Make more money, be a better dad, be a better husband. Shamus reaches out for support among the vast array of men’s services offered (enter sarcasm here) and is told he can have an appointment in four months from now (guys are patient about such things lol )
In the meantime, Lucky has a single friend who tells her she needs a break from the old routine. She reminds Lucky she can do better than Shamus, She tells her to remember the time three years ago when he got mad and yelled at Lucky in front of her? ( Lucky of course is just a pleasure to live with all the time!).
Shamus doesn’t approve of Lucky going out to clubs in her low cleavage dress with her flirtatious friend, so now (of course) we will label Shamus a misogynistic controlling brute. The friend tells Lucky “I told he’s no good , you don’t have to take that, you’re a grown woman! He can’t tell you how to dress or who you can see!”
One night Audrey and Lucky do not come home and Shamus is upset. The next day, he confronts his wife. She calls the police and tells them about the event three years ago. Boom, no contact order or peace bond. Shamus though distraught and broken must work even harder at work to pay the bills himself, he will go to prison if reaches out to her and ask for her portion of payment, must get a lawyer. Must keep up with the bills or lose the ancestral home.
Fast forward after the divorce took place. Lucky lives in the house that Shamus’ parents gave him and he might be paying alimony ( insert reason). He is paying child support for his child and maybe the children from a previous marriage (Is that fair?) He is trying to catch up on the legal fees on a payment plan.
Maybe if he is lucky he can find a cheap basement apartment (not in the current economy ). Wait….What , a 42 year old man living in a basement apartment? Who wants that loser!
And that folks, is the art of emotionally raping men. Did this sound familiar at all ?
