“The first rule of burning down the patriarchy is to never use other women for kindling.” This quote by Libby Bakalar is why I don’t automatically support every woman.
Supporting women does not mean supporting all women no matter what. Women can be kind and good at working together, but they can also be tough competitors who sometimes hold each other back. I have seen women reach for leadership jobs and then block the way for others. I have seen some try to stop other women from succeeding. Women can also be part of systems that leave out or silence other women. Being a woman is not enough to earn everyone’s support.
Having power does not mean you deserve blind loyalty. Yet women who refuse to give it are often shamed. Sometimes the people shaming them stood by while others with less power were treated badly. This makes no sense, yet people get upset because two women disagree in politics. Women are allowed to have different opinions.
I do not believe in blind loyalty, and some people have accused me of being anti-feminist. I would never support someone like Ivanka Trump since she is a woman who benefits from her toxic family’s business ties and stands by as diverse people are being ripped out of their communities by ICE. But women who want power have a duty to lead with fairness and care for others. If they don’t, they are helping the patriarchy, and that hurts women. Fighting for women means holding them to the same standard we would expect from anyone.
Inclusion without accountability is just for show. Standing together without being honest is also just for show. Being inclusive should not mean protecting egos, it means building systems where every voice has room, everyone gets a fair chance, and leaders are chosen for their honesty and good character, not just because they are women.
There is a bigger question here. Why do we expect women leaders to be perfect when the systems around them are built on competition and not having enough to go around? Women are expected to be united, graceful, and uplifting all the time, even when they must walk a tightrope and stay strong just to get by.
I have been lucky to have amazing women mentors and friends. They lifted me up, spoke up for me when I wasn’t in the room, and made me feel equal and powerful. These are the kind of women we need in power.
Sincerely,
Kelly Bergeron
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