MEN’S SUMMIT – MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS. “It’s okay not to be okay.”

Stephen Douris, co-founder of “MenTalk /K’hommeunique”,” along with his event partner Ivan Labelle, told 82 men and 18 women, how healthy and normal it was for men to express emotions, at Cornwall’s first symposium dedicated to men’s mental health.

Bluntly stating that the suicide rate amongst man was three times higher than that of women, Douris explained that he negotiated a major depression with the aid of a psychiatrist in the early 1990s only to learn that there were no local support groups. Thirty years later he teamed up with Ivan Labelle to host “Man to Man” on COGECO. This led the duo to propose a men’s mental health event with Chantal Tessier, at Canadian Mental Health Champlain East. The plans for the “Summit,” turned into reality when they received 100% financial support from Grant-Marion Construction Ltd., to stage the presentation at the Centre-Charles- Emile-Claude, on November 9th .

This exceptionally well organized, yet friendly event was broken into four segments. Interpersonal communication, was led by award-winning mental health speaker, advocate and host of “Life in Red Podcast,” Ryan Forsyth, passionately dedicated to helping people with their mental health and redefining a healthier version of masculinity,” started the morning. Ryan emphasized that communication was more than simply talking in a monotone, but required intonation, and mindfulness. He continued that body language was a powerful tool in getting thoughts across. Most importantly when talking to someone you care about, remember “Truth without compassion is cruelty.” Finally, don’t be bullied or swayed by social media, where people propagate misinformation and harmful comments with impunity.

Ryan finished his presentation with these ideas to improve communication. “Check your ego at the door.” “Listen to understand, not respond.” Use body language to actively listen, don’t just sit there like a stone. Be engaged. Show empathy, don’t just fall back on logic. Be supportive. Don’t add to the problem, don’t compare! ‘Find compromise.” Don’t always expect to find a solution.

Understanding his audience’s attention span after such a jam packed, presentation, Stephen announced a break.

The morning now moved into high gear with a five man panel, covering five generations. At first I groaned at the thought, having endured too many wishy- washy panels. This was different. They were fully-engaged, and perhaps most important of all, they were given an unfettered opportunity to express their honest opinions on difficult questions.

Despite the 60 year age gap between the youngest and oldest participant, some issues seemed universal. Everyone agreed that cell phones needed to be turned off to have meaningful dialogue, and perhaps even put aside each day for a while.

Alexander, the youngest member of the group, said the Covid lockdown and the reliance on social media has replaced face-to-face contact leading to isolation.

Panelists wanted to be able to successfully communicate with their partners. All five men wanted to fit-in in this ever-rapidly changing world, that has led to isolation, changing expectations and the erosion of old male stereotypes, goals and expectations, particularly with regard to careers and female interaction. When asked what they thought their biggest stressor was? they all said, coping with the future.

Picking-up the theme that it is “okay not to be okay,” all the panelists stated that while it is sometimes still difficult showing their feelings, it was necessary. Ivan and Victor summed it up, affirming it is healthy to show emotions, “to allow you to be yourself.” Such expressions were not a sign of weakness, but a positive release. As for anger, it was a learned response, which did more unnecessary harm than good, but unfortunately there wasn’t time to expand on this.

Ivan Labelle with professional training and experience in behavioural science and healthy relationship/anger management, finished the morning off with what constitutes a “Healthy Relationship.” Key components were trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, encouragement, caring, understanding, respect, validation and reassurance. Key communication strategies included, getting to know your partner; being present and not thinking of something else; being aware of your hurtful habits; and reconnecting after conflict.

And all of this before a terrific buffet lunch and prizes.

The smile on Stephen’s face gave me the answer to the question, was he pleased with the event, but I asked anyways. He enthused that he was “very, very, very pleased, and that they were already planning for next year!

I want to add my congratulations to what was the most informative, well organized and inspirational event I have attended in Cornwall in my 45 years here.

AN ADDITION FROM A FEMALE OBSERVER, Angele D’Alessio, at this event:

It’s being called the silent Crisis – and although I don’t identify as a man – I definitely have men in my life that I care about deeply! Everyone’s health and mental health matters. I am supporting this event today as an ally/ advocate and supporter of men’s mental health. It’s about time we prioritize this issue and push back against the stereotype that ” Men need to be tough and strong” if you ask me there is no greater strength than allowing yourself to admit as a man that ” it’s ok to not be ok”. I am immensely grateful to Grant Marion Construction who has sponsored this event and other male specific training. It is Mental health Champions like Grant Marion Construction that believe in this cause enough to put their name behind it. The event would not be possible without our Hosts Stephen Douris and Ivan Labelle who also have been Championing Mens’ Mental health through their Mens’ group MenTalk /K’hommeunique. The panelist are all men from different generations…ready to represent their peers from their own generation on pressures affecting men….this is a clear indication that the issue at hand is relevant and important not only to them but for the community at large. I am personally honored to be part of the 1st inaugural Mens’ Summit with the goal of improving mental health literacy to a demographic that too often is overlooked. I hope this event and the conversations had today encourages more open dialogue moving forward.