Sam, a 26-year-old trans man, and his family have faced repeated harassment for displaying a Pride flag outside their home. During the Covid pandemic, they decorated their house with Pride decorations for Pride Month, which led to them being targeted multiple times. Initially, the attacks were limited to their flag being torn down, but the vandalism escalated significantly this summer.
Their experience is shared through a series of questions answered by Sam and his mother Amy. Please note that some quotes have been abbreviated for clarity (…). Names have been changed to protect their anonymity against potential future harassment.
In both 2022 and 2023, their flag was broken off once at the end of the summer.
Amy: “This year, it has been 4 times.” [On July 12 – the 3rd time] “…we extra secured the flag post, as they usually break the flag post itself, this time they couldn’t get it, so they ripped the material right off.”
[Soon after, they installed a doorbell ring camera.]
Amy: “The 4th incident was August 3rd. We were in our backyard with old friends, having a great time. … We heard a smash around 12:30 am, I went to the front, and the first thing I saw was the flag gone again, so my husband and I started walking out towards the bike bath to see if we could catch the person… That’s when my 14-year-old daughter told me that they’d also thrown a pretty heavy barrel of her planted flowers at the front door. The pot was cracked, and dirt was everywhere.”
Louise: How did you feel when you first learned that the Pride flag had been torn down?
Amy: “The first two incidents, I was severely annoyed and disappointed. I cannot lie and say that I wasn’t shocked either. The last two incidents, especially last week, have made me very angry. I was already having a bad week with all the transphobia going on in the news, especially in the Olympics. So, it really made me angry. I felt violated and sad for my kids and all the 2SLGBTQ+ community.”
Louise to Sam: How have these incidents affected your mental health and sense of security?
Sam: “I’ve hardly gotten any sleep since the last incident. I already suffer from anxiety disorder without things like this happening, so it certainly makes it worse. Every noise outside makes me jump. Every passerby makes me suspicious. I feel like I need to be constantly looking outside or watching the camera. We worry that the incidents will escalate into something worse than objects being thrown at our door.”
Louise: How has this repeated vandalism affected your family’s sense of safety and well-being?
Amy: “This is a VERY strong family, and we’ve been through A LOT. My two youngest kids are handling it pretty well, 14 & 19 years old. We’ve always talked about this kind of stuff that happens in the world. They are keeping their heads held high. It’s very hard for Sam. The amount of hate he sees on social media and news hurts him very much… As parents, we feel guarded, uneasy. Should I relax and play music or should I keep my ears out for the front door and camera? The other night I wanted to do this, but strangers were hanging around the park across from our house, so I ended up peeking out the window every few minutes and listening for the ring camera to go off. Another thought is, can we leave our 14-year-old alone at night anymore? As she was home alone for the 3rd incident, and what if it gets worse? Would she be ok?”
Louise: Have you reported these incidents to the authorities? If so, what has their response been?
Sam: [note: their ring camera did not detect motion in the dark] “I had no proof and there was no perpetrator in sight. But I really couldn’t take it anymore. I called the police to report it despite the lack of recording. They told me what I already knew – there was nothing that could be done without proof. This upset me almost as much as what happened itself. This was a hate crime. People are consistently and progressively destroying our property and attacking our house. I was shaking. Dispatch just told me to buy another camera.”
Louise to Amy: Have you received support from your neighbours or community members?
Amy: “Mildly. If it doesn’t affect them personally, I don’t think they totally understand. Some have said they are sorry. That’s about it.” “We have some friends and family (mostly who live out of town), many who also have 2SLGBTQ+ kids, who have been the ones primarily sending us words of support and even had some replacement flags sent to us in the mail.”
Louise to Amy: How has your relationship with the community changed since these incidents started?
Amy: “It just makes you cautious of every person around you. Do they hate gays and trans people? Even the people you know, or think you know.”
To read more, go to Part 2 HERE
About the Author
The violence, physical and psychological, towards the Queer community, especially towards the Trans community, has been escalating exponentially. The gains that have been made are slowly being eroded by those who would seek to have us removed from our homes and neighbourhoods altogether. My wife and I are fortunate that we live outside Cornwall in a neighbourhood that is accepting of who we are.
Sadly, our MP and MPP have done nothing to support Queer members of their constituency. Exceptionally disheartening is that our MP is himself gay. He has chosen to align himself with a political party that would see all of our rights eliminated.
My heart goes out to Sam and Amy. The day-to-day stresses of raising kids become exacerbated when faced with hate and discrimination.
Thanks, Louise Mignault for bringing this issue to light.
Well said!