During the months and years Jim and I have been living in Portugal, we have become regular beach walkers. The beach is alive, constantly changing; the wind, tides and storms shaping the dunes, moving sand, changing the course of the small rivers flowing into the sea, depositing debris, covering plants, gifting shells and carving patterns in the sand. No two visits are ever the same.
We generally follow the tide schedule, allowing us to arrive at low tide, which of course also changes daily. The position of the sun, the clouds, and the wind influence the mood of the beach as well. And it is this continuous ongoing change and the many moods of the beach that intrigues us, arriving each day with no expectations and always prepared for a surprise. What a wonderful metaphor for life!
Change as a Constant
As much as I dislike the platitude, the reality is that ‘change is the only constant in life’. You may dislike change, avoid it, resist it, and it will happen anyway. That is why I love the beach as it is a living example of change, in every moment change is happening, even if it is simply the movement of a grain of sand. And whether you like change or not, you are changing, moment by moment, day by day. It is a law of nature: whether it is simply the loss of a hair on your head or a skin cell, you have changed.
What You Resist Persists
Perhaps ‘what you resist persists’ is another platitude, and yet it rings true. It is our nature to resist change as there is a part of us that simply wants things to stay the same. This is where a baseline is important, a stable place: the safety of a secure place to live and/or a cadre of reliable friends. With an element of security, change becomes much easier to navigate.
Then comes choice. You know change is imminent. Do you dig in your heels and shout “no way!” or do you shake hands with it and guide it into your life. I think that’s really the trick with change, not opposing it but giving it direction. There is a martial arts metaphor that comes to mind. In this practice you are taught not to resist the attack of another, but to guide it past you. It is a graceful dance. I am thinking that a similar approach in dealing with change could make life a lot easier.
Back to the beach. Sand dunes do resist the wind and waves on a stormy day, yet they get changed anyway, often hollowed our, sometimes destroyed. The beach however, is resistance free, and simply shape changes day to day, often formed into the most interesting patterns mimicking waves, trees, and other forms.
You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know
As a health care manager, it was often my job to align staffing where the demand was. I was frequently unpopular. I believe I did it with compassion, considering the gifts and strengths of the staff member as well as the demands of our patients.
One specific example comes to mind. When I was one of the supervisors in the Edmonton Home Care Program, we were faced with meeting the complex needs of people living in their own homes as well as drop-in clients in need of assessment and prescriptions for the Alberta Aids to Daily Living Program. As the demands for meeting with the drop-in clients grew I was faced with reassigning responsibilities.
Meanwhile, one of our senior caseworkers was struggling with the home visits. She herself had serious health issues which made home visits challenging. But she loved it. We could all see that she was struggling, she did not want to change roles. Faced with this challenge, I made the decision to bring her into the office full time to work with patients on site, taking her away from home visits. When I made that decision, and discussed it with her, she was very upset. There was a box full of tears, and yes resistance. Audrey was so entrenched in what she knew and the position she had held for years, she could not see the possibilities available to her.
I felt terrible imposing this on her but trusted my gut that this was for the best. Not long after this decision, I resigned from this position as Jim and I were transferred back east. However, I was back in Edmonton for a visit 6 mos. after leaving, dropped by the office to greet the staff, and sat down with Audrey, the nurse I had re-positioned. She gave me a big hug, and thanked me. “I never would have made that decision on my own, I only knew what I knew and could not imagine giving up that role for another”, she shared. “And I love my new position and I am really making a difference here in the office. And OMG it is so much easier on me.”
Here’s the thing – you don’t know what you don’t know. Until you step into change, you cannot appreciate what it might offer you. I have personally learned this repeatedly over my lifetime. And while I still have an element of caution, I have learned to appreciate that change, while different, is beneficial.
When One Door Closes
And finally, another platitude: ‘when one door closed another opens.’
I love the idea of “Space Management’ versus time management. What if we managed the space in our life. When we consider doors closing what we are really discussing is endings. That said, endings lead to new beginnings. When we hold on, resist change, that takes up space in the closet of our life, and prohibits embracing new ideas or opportunities as there is simply no room. The closet is full.
Another way to consider change is decluttering that closet, creating space for new doors to open, new opportunities to be experienced, new learning and personal growth. It is a cycle: Endings = Discovery = New Beginnings. This cycle, described in William Bridges’ book Transitions, is an invaluable lens through which to assess change.
Change is not always easy. As Bridges writes, the big changes in life need to be grieved and released. For the really significant changes in life, healing time is also required. And then we enter a Neutral Zone where we explore our options, consider new opportunities, and hopefully gain clarity regarding what comes next. With that clarity comes New Beginnings. It is a cycle, one that will repeat itself throughout our life.
No Regrets
One final note on change. It is not always a positive experience. Change creates chaos in our lives, sometimes discomfort. Occasionally the changes we initiate backfire (I have certainly been there a few times). The point is to move forward, to learn, adjust and adapt for change cannot be avoided. And, perhaps most importantly, have no regrets. Regret is a wasted emotion; often undermines the decisions we have made and changes nothing. That’s not to suggest that we avoid reflecting on the past, appraising our choices, learning and growing. Regret pulls the plug; reflection gives us a foundation.
Final Word
Change is a constant; it cannot be avoided. We may as well embrace it and have strategies for guiding the change itself as well as guiding ourselves through change.
Speaking of change, I will be travelling for the next few months and have decided to take a writing sabbatical for now. In gratitude to The Seeker for providing a home for my musings.
Until next time,
Betty Healey
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