Lose the Pride, the Ego, and Ask

After a frustrated friend told me recently “Men should keep their mouths shut and not bother speaking, as no one is listening”, I decided to write this.

There is always someone who is willing to listen, so speak! If what you are saying is falling on deaf ears, it is up to you find someone else to talk to, because YOU matter.

When I had my problems, I thought no one would listen to me, that no one cared, and so I ended up in a very dark and scary place. If your husband or your wife gives you the feeling that what you say does not matter, then you are with the wrong person.

Since those problem times, I have sought out, and found many people who want to listen without judgment, people I can call on, people I have no fear of talking to. One of them is my wife. I can broach most any problem with her, because she has always let me know I matter and that my voice is being heard. This does not mean that I always like what I hear in return, but sometimes we need that other voice to show we are being heard, being listened to… Not just lip service.

Men are in a worse place than women are when it comes to being heard. Why? Because we don’t talk in the first place! I find that men blame women, saying that ‘they have it so much better … it’s a woman’s world’, but I believe we have to look inwards, at ourselves, not blaming ourselves, but recognizing that in our trying to be strong, trying not to speak up, speak out, and keeping it all inside, causes anger, fear and resentment to grow… Until we lash out. Rightfully so, when we lash out, people will back away. It is not that we don’t matter, the backing off is a protective response to what seems like an attack. That won’t work, and the feelings of not mattering, of feeling inadequate will grow, and the darkness will take over.

Most times we don’t ask for help because we think no one will understand. We believe no one cares. We do not know if that is true or not until we ask. We might find that this ‘best friend’ is really only a fair-weather one, there for the good times only. Yet, we will also find that asking for help will show us that we do matter, that asking is not a weakness, but rather a strength, a show of courage. It also helps us identify those to whom we truly matter, the ‘real’ friend. Knowing you need help is the first step to getting it, and the next is asking. Lose the pride, the ego, and ask. It just may save your life. It did mine.