The Downsizing Dilemma
May 4th, 2020, in the midst of the pandemic, Jim and I moved to Cornwall from our country home in South Glengarry. Many of our friends and family were surprised with our decision to downsize as our love for country living, our gardens and labyrinth, were evident. You can imagine the questions I have been asked, repeatedly, about our decision. How did you leave such a beautiful home and property? What did you do with all of your furniture, art work and more? How did you manage to downsize.
My answer: it is a process.
Everyone was right of course. I did love my country home. It had served as a sanctuary for Jim and I, been the site of many weekend retreats, and of course the seat of our business. It was so much more than simply a place to live. Jim and I had also invested more time than we might like to admit in developing the property, creating the gardens, and designing and building the labyrinth. All of this from our heart and soul, to feed and nurture our spirits and create a sacred space for those who came to visit. Yes, it was an amazing place, until it was more than we felt we could manage.
A number of things happened. We were getting to the point career and business wise where we wanted to slow down and take on fewer projects. We wanted to liberate our weekends from the constant need for gardening and yard work. We wanted to travel and knew that leaving a country home for more than a few weeks was not possible. We wanted to downsize our responsibilities and create a simpler life. Facing all these desires head on, initially created anxiety. How could we downsize 3200 sq. ft. of living into a condo size arrangement? What would we do with all the furniture it took to fill a house that size? What would we do with our sizeable art collection?
This is the overwhelming experience of many in our age group and younger. As humans we accumulate; we like our creature comforts and our memorabilia. Unfortunately, it all takes up space.
This past week I had lunch with a friend, who like many of my acquaintances these days, are either in the process of or considering the great DOWNSIZE. Most of them are overwhelmed with the prospect, caught up in the reality of giving things up and wondering how to manage the process. After living through the DOWNSIZE personally, and experiencing the results, I believe I have a few thoughts and suggestions for managing the Downsizing Dilemma.
- Be Clear that you are Prepared to Downsize
In many of the conversations I participate in, I hear, “I should/need to downsize but…”. There is no point in venturing into this terrain until you are fully committed. It is not for the faint of heart. Be aware that you will have to do it someday or leave it to family/ friends after you are gone. They will be cursing you (even though you will not care). Honestly, the most gracious decision is to make life easy for others. - Give yourself lots of lead time
The moment you realize that you want to/need to downsize, begin the process. If you manage downsizing in layers, it is much easier to release items and of course a much easier move when it comes to packing and moving day. With a large country home, which was furnished for hosting retreats, we had much more than two people require. We began releasing furniture and household items two years before our actual move, furnishing several apartments for nieces and nephews and friends in the process. - Breathe, Pace Yourself
One of my great dilemmas was the accumulation of books, business materials, papers and research from my Master’s Degree, all the remnants of the extensive careers Jim and I had experienced. I wanted to tackle this with tenderness, giving myself time to savour the many experiences before placing them in boxes for the recycle bin. I paced myself dedicating two hours every evening to go through my career treasures and let them go. Pacing myself this way made it much easier.
4.Tap into Family and Friends
When we arrived at the final sorting, a few weeks before the move, I catalogued all the art and furniture we were willing to part with on a spread sheet. It was COVID; I did not want to sell things, I wanted to gift. The spread sheet first went to family with the offer, ‘choose what you want, first come first serve”. The list then went on to friends. Fifty pieces of art and many items of furniture were gifted in the end. I was grateful to see our accumulation of treasures go to others who would appreciate them. My heart was full. - Keep, Gift, Discard
What to keep is the greatest challenge in the downsizing process. Many items are related to specific memories, some gifted by friends and family, others family relics. Assess what items mean to you and what the inherent value is in your life at this time. When you take this route, you will find that many, if not most items, have little value to you. Gift them on. Other items are chipped or broken and repaired and have been hanging around for years – discard. The process feels brutal at times. Trust me, you will not regret it. - Be grateful and Release
An important part of the process of releasing it to remember. What stories are associated with certain treasures, photos, memorabilia. Sit with the memories, savour them. Be grateful for this history, let it go with a blessing. - Allow Time to Mourn
I do not want to diminish the emotional impact of a significant downsizing project. Perhaps a flaw we share as human beings is the ease with which we get attached to objects. It is natural: gifts from special people, memorabilia from significant life events, objects passed down through families, photos, letters, wedding gowns, research papers, business documents…. The list goes on and on. Each items holds a different level of attachment and meaning. Allow yourself to move through the process easily. Don’t make it hard. And give yourself the opportunity to grieve – giving things up is a loss.
Final Word
We live in times where most in the younger generations are unwilling recipients of family memories and heirlooms. Everyone has their own style and taste. Jim and I were more fortunate than many, with a large number of siblings, nieces and nephews willing to adopt most of the furniture and artwork we were prepared to let go of. I feel blessed in this as I also get to visit these items from time to time in their new homes.
Always remember that your ’stuff’ does not define you, your humanity does. People will remember the contributions you made and how you made them feel; they will not remember your furniture and belongings. While I still love my creature comforts, my ‘environmental hug’ as I refer to it, I can admit that I do not miss the many things that we downsized. In fact, I am continuing the process even now as I realize many of the things I retained, no longer have meaning or usefulness. It also seems shameful to me to hang onto things that others may be able to use.
Finally, if you have been left with the responsibility of downsizing items you accumulated from your parents and family of origin, be brutal. Gift it on to the Agape Centre, Re-Store, Salvation Army , Serendipity or any other source you can think of. Photographs – Unless you can identify the people and places, destroy them. They are meaningless. And be sure to check that someone else in the family wants them. It all seems brutal I know. All I can say is this, you will feel lighter and, in the end, you will not miss any of it.
Until Next Time,
