How Family values and dynamics Shape a child

The very first thing a child imprints on is family. So the way your family interacts with each other day today will stick with the child. This is how they’ll interact with the rest of the world. If a family is big, the oldest child may end up caring for their younger siblings in a way a parent might, and this behaviour will translate towards the outside world, as their upbringing may force them to have traits most other kids may not such, a patience and compassion, though this doesn’t apply to everyone and can vary from person to person. But it’s usually it’s what’s expected so most of them tend to step into this role.

My column is called “teen issues” for a reason, so it’s time to get into the issues.

Even though most adolescents at a certain point stop listening to their parents, they almost always look at their parents dynamic, since this sets their ideal standard for what love should look like. Their parents show, through actions, how to treat or be treated by another person. If a couple shower each other in gifts and love, they’ve set a standard for the child. However if they constantly scream or get physical during every minor disagreement this will be the standard.

Once they’re older and their future partner rips out their hair and slaps them across the room, it’s perfectly fine because this is their idea of love and this is how to solve arguments….right? Should you really wake up next to the “love of your life” and feel despair?

I actually have a story about this. Before Cornwall, I had lived in Toronto, I knew a girl who had a couple with 3 kids as her neighbours. The couple used to constantly fight, and I mean screaming, ripping the clothes of each other’s body and throwing objects. Occasionally the kids would get caught in the crossfire…

We were on the same bus as them and I hated the oldest child as all he seemed to do was talk about how much money he had. His dad got him expensive things like PS5s and threw parties and that’s what he thought love was. It didn’t matter how many times he hit him because he showered him with gifts, though it was more like paying him to shut up. The second child however was much younger and much more impressionable. He carried the fights at home to school with screaming, destroying school property and hitting people because in his head that’s how anger should be dealt with. Even though I didn’t know the parents, I could see how their behaviour affected their kids.

That’s enough of the grim stuff. Kids can also be affected in other ways. If you don’t set boundaries early on—like teaching them to respect others and to respect you—then that job often falls on their teachers later. But think about it: if they didn’t learn to respect you while they were growing up, why would they suddenly start listening now? Some kids do get a reset when they’re older, but many don’t. Do you really want to leave that to chance? Just teach them to respect you from the start.


The parents value on grades also determines how far your kids will grow in life. If you give your kid low expectations they won’t try because there are no consequences. A girl I knew once said that her mom doesn’t care how many c’s she gets as long as it’s not a D. If you want your kid to go somewhere in life you have to encourage them to always want better for themselves.

Thank you for reading but before you go I want you guys to reach out to me through my email and Instagram if you want teen advice and perhaps even a story you want to tell! (You will stay anonymous)

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