This day and age, being single comes with a mass amount of internal contradictions and for the ladies in this predicament it can become a tad overwhelming. Not only do we have to worry about daily life struggles like dying to eat a whole pizza to ourselves on Friday night but also wanting to look good in a bikini for our vacation next month but now we have to worry about the dating game as well. The following is a list of struggles and thoughts that cross some (most) single girls’ minds these days:
1. I Want to Be Single but I Hate Being Alone. Being an independent woman is a super sexy quality and single ladies know this. Being able to rely on yourself and only yourself is an invaluable tool and the single girl is quite proud of the accomplishments she has made on her own. She has found peace in being single and knows that she doesn’t need a partner in order to lead a happy life, because she is already happy on her own. The struggle comes when she knows she’s cool with being single but also misses that feeling of being in a relationship. The pang of loneliness can hit at any time; a Monday night when she just wishes she had someone to watch her favourite show with or on a Saturday when she could really go for a nice meal at the restaurant down the street. And usually she’s content with having the entire bed to herself but sometimes she just feels that it’s a bit too big and so the struggle continues.
2. I’d Like to Date a Guy Who’s Not TOO Nice but Also Not an A**hole. On days when the single girl feels like she might be ready to start dating again, she starts thinking about the qualities she’d like in her next boyfriend. Maybe she goes out on a few dates to test the waters she has decided to cast her net into but it soon becomes apparent that a happy medium of boyfriend-qualities does not exist among most men. Of course she wants to date a nice guy, someone who treats her well, offers to pick up the tab on the first date, respects her boundaries and so on and so forth but she soon comes to realize she also wants a guy with a backbone. Turns out the guys she meets who have backbones also don’t have manners and are, what some may call, a** holes. She wants a guy to text her, but not tooo much and she wants a guy who can stand up for himself but not put her down at the same time. Yes, the struggle is real, folks. But at the end of the day, she realizes that if she meets the right guy none of it will matter anyway.
3. Do I Go to the Bar and Potentially Meet Prince Charming or Stay Home and Watch Netflix? For the single girl who is no longer in her early 20’s, going to the bar is a major task that is significantly less exciting than it used to be. The more appealing option is always pajamas, on the couch, binge watching Netflix and not waking up with a hangover. The struggle comes when you start realizing that you aren’t meeting many new people (cough, guys) this way and so you think to yourself, maybe I should throw on a slinky dress, attend girl’s night, and give the club a chance. You think it could be fun and maybe the next great romance of our time could begin while grinding in an alcohol-induced haze on a sweaty, over-crowded, under-aged dance floor (hey, it’s happened before). So, do you throw on your highest heels and best pair of beer goggles and head to the dance hall in search of more than a one-night stand or will Netflix win (again)? The struggle is real and to be honest, Netflix usually wins.
4. To Tinder or Not To Tinder Ohh, Online Dating. The true struggle of the modern-day single girl. Do you do it and risk meeting a potential nut job and/or many straight-up weirdos or do you stay away from technology and wonder aimlessly through the library hoping to find Mr. Right in the Romance section? The obvious answer is the prior and it’s always a tough decision. Sometimes you think you do it just to kill time and reduce boredom, other times you think maybe you’ll get lucky and find someone who isn’t just out looking for a booty call. You’ve seen friends find great relationships through this method so you know it can happen but you seem to always come across the kind of guys that just don’t do it for ya. So, you delete your account for the eighth time proclaiming “I’m done with this stuff”, knowing in your heart you’ll succumb back to it again next week.
5. Go to Events or Not When You’ll be the Only Single Friend. Couples hanging out together actually becomes a “thing” as you get older and while it’s really cool when you’re part of a couple, it can feel a bit odd when you are just out of a relationship but still want to partake in these evenings, even though you’re dateless. You struggle with going and being the odd man out but you know you’ll regret it if you don’t go. This struggle is often an easy one to overcome. If you know these people are your real friends, it shouldn’t matter if you’re dateless or not and if you’re all close enough it won’t even feel like you’re alone. After all, friends are the people you truly need in your life, so don’t pass up opportunities to keep them around just cause you feel insecure about your status. You will need these people when waves of #1 and #3 present themselves. Always go.
6. Shave Your Legs or Grow It Out ? Most ladies in relationships know that shaving your legs regularly can become less of a habit but single girls are expected to maintain the upkeep just in case you actually do run into Prince Charming at the club (or library). It becomes a struggle, especially during the winter, when you know you should keep your legs silky smooth but you also know Netflix isn’t judging you either way. You have also figured out that you can use it as a deterrent to turn off the guys you really don’t want to turn on and subconsciously prevent any drunken one-night stands from occurring, as you know the hair on your legs could not only entwine around any new prospects but also turn them off completely. In the end, if it’s getting to the point where it’s even grossing you out, it’s probably time to shave. Don’t let yourself go completely!
7. Settle for a Lack of Passion or Wait for the Butterflies? Even girls who are cool with being single may date around every now and then, and when they do they often find themselves on the fence about the next steps to take. You like the guy, he’s nice, there’s a decent connection but you just don’t feel it. So you wonder if maybe you should just keep him around and get to know him better, crossing your fingers that the butterflies will appear soon, or let him down easy and move on. Don’t settle. Yes, we all hear that butterflies and passion fade over time, but in the beginning there should at least be some semblance of a spark. If the guy’s great but you don’t quite feel the excitement you know you should, get out early and move on. Settling ‘cause you’re sick of being alone will never get you anywhere so bring back Miss Independent and remember it’s okay to be single, struggles and all.
Shannon Ferguson is a writer who recently returned to her roots in Cornwall. With degrees in Communications, Psychology, and Broadcast Journalism, Shannon created her successful blog, The Love Hawk, and is a contributing writer for many websites including The Huffington Post and Elite Daily. View her blog at www.thelovehawk.com, like her page on Facebook and follow her on Twitter @TheLoveHawk and be sure to listen to her online radio show “The Love Hawk” every Tuesday at 6pm at www.dunet.ca