Zummer-Rhymes with Bummer, but Sizzles

God, when’s fall?

When can I look out in the morning to see dew on the lawn, hear geese flying overhead and see the mailman wearing a muffler?

When will the grass crunch underfoot because it’s frozen, not because it’s burned to a crisp

When can I open the windows and not be a prisoner in my own home, and when can people stop showing me their belly buttons when we pass on the street?

From a marketing standpoint, sales on sunscreen, sandals, energy drinks, air conditioners and personal fans, are breaking all records

Provincial parks have record numbers of visitors over last year, but raincoats, galoshes and umbrella sales are way down

All day lipsticks with sunscreen are responsible for the rise in summer romances and winter babies – just kidding, they used protection!

If coin washers are breaking down with the high turnover of stinky – sweaty socks, then having no water for over 18 hours last weekend had to be right up there

Scrambling for water bottles for a simple “flush” brings new meaning to being wasteful

Yet think of the money we’re saving in heating or clothing costs

If only our employers would allow us to wear shorts and bathing suits to work, life would be tolerable

Grocery shopping has become the highlight of my summer, as I race my cart to the bunkers of frozen fish and turkeys

I’ve always said grocery stores would make more money if they had customer service

You know, someone who takes you around and shows off the products so you’ll spend more

 I love talking up the merits of this brand or other with anyone who passes, just for one more minute of frigid-blowing cold –I  wonder if they’re hiring

All kidding aside, the weather man says North America is in the eye of the storm that’s coming, as the steam continues to burn itself up into the year 2022

By then we’ll all be retired – having a cold one down at some pub or wet bar,  while cruising in Alaska dining on Pacific salmon

 The new vacation spot we’ll be in Timmins, Ontario where we’ll be fanning ourselves in the back 40, with an iced-cap and a snickers bar, because I’m not me when I’m hungry

And if we’re lucky it won’t snow on Halloween –

** Lisa [email protected]