The masterpiece I drew at 4 years old; the good old days. A little reminder of where it all began.
Not long ago, I walked through these doors for the first time, and everything felt so new. The hallways seemed too big, every corner leading to somewhere I had never been, every classroom holding something I had yet to discover. Now, I look around and realize I know these halls by heart; the classrooms where I spent hours learning, the corners where I stood nervously before a test, the places where I laughed with my friends, and the paths I walked countless times on my way to class. They have watched me grow into someone I never could have imagined when I first walked through those doors. And now, in senior year, the same hallways that once felt unfamiliar have become some of the most familiar places in my life, and in a year, I’m expected to say goodbye to them.
The saddest part about a last time is that it rarely announces itself; it’s already over before you realize. The thought that soon I’ll walk through these doors for the last time, knowing I’ll never experience high school in quite the same way again, feels almost impossible to understand. Because just like that, the moments I once thought would last forever are becoming memories. The last first day, the last Charity Bowl, the last Christmas concert, the last Bishop Cup, the last exam, the last ordinary day surrounded by the people who made these years what they were. For most of our lives, school has been one of the few constants we could count on. Every September meant a new classroom, a new schedule, but somehow the same familiar feeling of coming back, and then, suddenly, there is no next September. It’s strange how you never realize you’re living a moment for the last time until it has already passed. And now, I’m beginning to understand that maybe the hardest part of growing up isn’t leaving but realizing there are so many things you don’t know are the last until they’re already gone.
I remember some of my early days; I didn’t really know anyone. We had seating arrangements, and I had been seated by a bunch of girls (soon to be my best friends) whom I eventually talked to. We all got to know each other, and the rest was history. In a year, I will have to say goodbye to them because we all will be on our own different journeys. Early in high school, I used to get lost on my way to my classes. One time (actually a few times), I walked into the wrong one and had to very awkwardly exit the room. Joined many extracurriculars to get experience, even tried out for multiple sports teams, had some tough practices, but also good ones, auditioned for the annual musicals, and studied for hours straight before tests coming up. I don’t think that last part will change anytime soon, but there are many experiences that I will get to have for the last time. I wish to learn to recognize a good moment when I’m still inside it.
I hope as I enjoy this last year of pain & suffering + happiness, I live in the moment and never let life just happen. I hope I choose to live it and to chase the things that excite me, to accomplish the things I once thought were impossible, and to be present enough to feel every moment while it is happening. One day, these hallways will just be memories. The classrooms will change, new students will fill these seats, and life will keep moving whether I’m ready for it or not. I don’t want to look back one day and realize I was so busy waiting for what came next that I forgot to appreciate where I was.
Not long ago, I walked through these doors for the first time, not knowing where they would lead me. One day, I’ll walk through these doors for the last time, just as uncertain about what comes next as I was when I first walked through them. Maybe that’s what makes growing up so strange: you spend your first day wondering what you’ll find, and your last day wondering what you’ll leave behind. And somewhere between those two doors, I hope I remember to live.
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