It seems that every time I post or present something on men’s Mental Health, I receive calls or emails asking “What about the women?”
I find it ironic that just a few years ago, I was the one asking almost the same question “What about the men?” Just those few years ago in our area, there was nothing, no support for the man, say for example one whose relationship had broken up, who had to sleep in his car or on a friend’s couch … even worse ending up on the street. I knew that had to change.
Why? I sat down with my now co-facilitator Ivan, and together we planned on how to start a support group for men only. In two months, all was in place as he had experience starting different groups in the past; with the framework in place, we opened the first group January 2019, in Cornwall, and now, seven years on, over one hundred and twenty-five men have come through the doors of our now two locations, the second being in Alexandria. We saw the gap in services and wanted to make a difference and we have.
I have been asked by several women how they might get a woman’s group off the ground, and have offered to help, now that I am familiar with ‘the how’ of starting a group. I have never heard back from them. If women feel, like I did, that there is a great need for a ‘woman’s only’ group, then the only way is start one, like we did.
What I would like to see happen, going forward, is a place for abused men, and yes, I do mean abused and battered men, a place like Baldwin House where men sleeping in their cars, or on the streets, can find safe refuge while they piece their lives back together.
When the Mentalk /K’Hommeunique groups began, we looked into a men’s shelter, but were told only it was too expensive and would not work in our area, that men in need could get help in Ottawa. It is apparent that men need shelter and safe spaces just as women do, as suggested by the huge discrepancy in suicide rates for men compared to women. These men are desperate and travel to Ottawa might just put them over the edge.
We all need support so an even playing field and an approach that recognizes the needs of both men and woman, support groups for both, and therefore safe and secure spaces for both.
Stephen Douris
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